Hello all and welcome to my blog. Have you ever been in love? I’m talking about that kind of love where you give them your all and forget about yourself? I was there once. Here is my story.
I met him through a mutual friend and at that time I really wasn’t interested in meeting anyone new because I had just broken up with someone. The break up was amicable because he was moving to another state for a better paying job. I wasn’t into long distance relationships and neither was he. He is a good man and I know he will make someone happy.
On the night I met this new guy, I was just getting over the break up and started hanging out with my friends and keeping myself busy with work. When I saw him, he took my breath away. The first thing I noticed was his smile. He was funny and had the whole table laughing at his jokes. I thought to myself, now here is a man I would like to get to know. Little did I know he was thinking the same thing about me. Two weeks would go by before I would see him again.
I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize and usually I don’t answer but I has a feeling that I should. I’m glad I did because it was him. We must have talked for hours that day. We made plans for the following weekend to meet up for coffee. I must have gone through all of my clothes trying to pick something out to wear. The week crawled by and finally it was Saturday. I wasn’t meeting him until one o’clock so I made sure my hair and nails were done and my make-up was on point. I don’t know why I was trying to look all cute for someone I just met but this man had my stomach all in butterflies.
The coffee date turned into a dinner and dinner turned into more dinners and eventually I was calling him my man and I was his woman. The “I Love You” came soon after. This man had my nose wide opened and I would do anything for him. I wanted this to be forever and for a while it seemed it would be. Four years into the relationship and something seemed to change. Most times we would laugh and there many times we were miserable. I was trying to make this work but he wasn’t. I wanted to talk but he didn’t. I wanted my forever and he didn’t. I realize I was loving him more than I loved myself and I tried to believe that we could make it but trying wasn’t working. I gave him everything I had, all of me and it was never enough for him. I knew something needed to change and that change was me.
I had to figure out that I loved me the most, that I was important and there are two people in a relationship in order to make it work. I had hopes of marrying him but you see, you can’t give everything you have to someone because you are left with nothing to give to yourself. When the tears come, the fights, the hurtful words, the loneliness, the disrespect, and finally acceptance that it’s over, you know you need to move on. I packed up my bags and moved out. He didn’t try to stop me and that was what hurt the most. Then I realized the silence was his acceptance and that he too wanted this to end.
There were days I questioned myself: What did I do wrong? Was I no longer attractive to him? Was I not good enough? All the questions a woman should never ask herself. I looked back on the relationship and remembered all the things I was doing as his woman. I was trying so hard to please him and show him that I would make a good wife someday but all that brought on was my misery.
It has been a year and I hadn’t seen him since. The other day I was walking past the same coffee shop we had on our first date and saw him standing there. We greeted each other with a hug and I asked how he was doing. He smiled that beautiful smiled and said he was doing well. When he asked me, I said the same and that I was happy. After talking for a few we wished each other well and walked away.
I was happy.
I knew who I was
I knew what I wanted.
I knew my strength.
I knew my worth.
Many of us don’t know this and stay in unhealthy relationships. Yes, it takes effort to make any relationship work but when one makes the effort and the other don’t there is nothing there. It’s like reading a book with empty pages. What I know for sure is that you can give your all to your man but when he does not reciprocate, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship with him. God comes first before anything and when you have Him in that equation, your relationship can be forever.
I Know My Worth
I am not a figment of your imagination
Built magnificently as one of God’s creations
What belongs to me I can give freely at times
I speak of my heart, my soul and what’s on my mind
I am capable of many things, loving you is one
But I also love me, my life bright like the sun
When you see me happy, be happy for me
I am gentle, I am kind, raised intelligently
I’ve known these words long after I was birthed
I know me, I know my heart, I know my worth.
Peace and Blessings!