Hello all and welcome her blog. They had been dating for over six months and she was in love. He was sweet when they first met and made her feel special. She had never been with a man and wanted him to be her first. The night it happened, it was not like it was in the movies. She didn’t feel special and she didn’t feel loved. She didn’t get to experience what every woman felt with the man they loved on their first night together. She thought it would be hours of love making but it only lasted for fifteen minutes, with no cuddling, no soft touches and no small talk. He got up, got dressed and said he would see her later. But still, this man was her man and she accepted what he gave her.
(A couple of months later)
She rushed to Whole Foods Market to buy food she wanted to prepare for him that night. He had been out of town all weekend long with his friends and called her Wednesday after returning on Sunday night. She was angry that it was three days after he returned when he called but she heard him say he missed her and all the anger she had built up melted away. She ran into a classmate in the produce isle and he said hello and asked how her day was going. The guy was cute but he was not her man. She loved her man and her heart belonged to him.
As she was going out the door her classmate asked if he could walk her to her car. She politely said no and said she would see him in class on Friday. They both were Political Science majors and planned on attending law school. But if her man asked to marry her, she was going to stay here and drop out of school. Her man worked as a bouncer for the hottest club in the city. He didn’t make that much money and sometimes made her pay for her own food when they went out to dinner. She understood he was struggling so to make it easier she would pay most of the time and even give him money.
She quickly rushed home and began to make dinner. Her man had promised he would be over around seven-thirty. She cooked all that took the longest first and would put the bread in last so it would be hot when he arrived. She took her shower and got dressed in his favorite dress that he liked on her. She had bought it one day when they were in the mall shopping. He had told her he was taking her shopping but when they went to pay for her things, he forgot he had left his wallet at home. She didn’t mind. He promised he would take her the following weekend and as an extra treat he was going to take her to the spa. That was three weeks ago.
When she finished getting dressed, it was close to the time for her man to arrive, so she put the bread in the oven. She had poured herself a glass of Merlot and put on John Coltrane’s “In a Sentimental Mood” – her favorite jazz piece. The oven dinged signaling that the bread was done and she went to pull it out of the oven. She heard a car pull up outside thinking it was her man so she hurriedly lit the candles on the dining room table. Her apartment was close to the parking lot out front so she knew when someone pulled up or when they were leaving. She fixed her dress and ran to the door to wait on him to open the door. She had given him the spare set of keys she had a week after meeting him. She stood there but when no one came to the door, she went to the window to look out to see if it really was him. It wasn’t.
She called his cell a few times and when he didn’t answer she figured he must be driving. An hour passed and she began to worry that something might have happened to him. She called his cell again and this time someone answered. It wasn’t him but a female. She quickly apologized thinking she may have dialed the wrong number but when she hung up she realized she had his number on speed dial. She called his number again but no one answered this time. She finally went to bed at three in the morning. By that time, she knew he wasn’t coming. She had called him 57 times and texted triple that many times. He never responded to her texts and didn’t return any of her phone calls.
She missed all of her classes for the rest of that week. It was the first time since she started college that she had ever missed a class. Her mind was in pieces and she couldn’t stop wondering what she could have done better to make her man happy. She drove around the city looking for him during the day until the middle of the night. She only went home when she was falling asleep at the wheel and almost crashed. She called and texted once more and let an hour passed before she blocked his number and turned off her phone.
The following week she attended all of her classes and got caught up on the assignments that were due. She checked her status of law schools she applied to and noticed she got accepted into the number one ranking law school. They even offered her a full free ride. She drove three hours to her parent’s home to give them the exciting news. After her father called everybody in his contact list to come over for a bar-b-que, she went into her childhood room to cry. She knew she should be happy but her heart had been broken.
“You know the angels are smiling on you right now.” Her mother would say whenever she achieved something. The angels she was referring to were her grandparents. She adored them and they her. When they passed away two months apart, she cried for almost a week each time. They were her encouragement right after her parents. She was their only grandchild and wanted to make them proud. She didn’t think they would be proud of her choice of men. She turned to look at the woman she favored standing at her door and told her everything. Even down to the dinner she cooked for him. Her mother listened without interruption. After she finished her mother hugged her tight and told her to cry for the stupid man that broke her heart; cry for the love she gave him that wasn’t returned; cry for the time she lost and would never get back and cry one last time for loving someone that wasn’t worthy.
She cried and cried hard. When there were no more tears, her mother said to her
“When you’re in love, you become thoughtless. The most common of senses of knowing what is right and what is wrong seems to pass you by for a minute or two. We don’t pay attention to the signs of being with someone who is not worth the trouble to say hi to. But I understand. When he gave you his attention, and because you thought you needed his attention, you mistaken it to be he was interested in you. You did nothing wrong. You have a kind heart and you took him for face value but you didn’t get to know the man first. You jumped a little too soon and he knew he had a naive young woman who he could play with. But you are still beautiful, you are still special, you are still worthy of a man’s touch and you are still going to find a man that will love the very air you breathe. Cry for now but when you dry that last tear, let it be the very last tear you cry for that idiot. It won’t be an overnight thing to get over but trust in God and it will be.”
After eating all that barbeque and packing up some leftovers, I drove back to my apartment. My mom was right. I should have known better because I deserved better. A big part of me wanted to call and asked him why treat me this way but that I stayed strong and didn’t. It was hard at first so I dug deep into my studies and did things to keep my mind off him. I didn’t have to worry about seeing him at my school because college was not his thang as he once said. That should have been my first clue.
The following weekend I went to the March for Kids walkathon with my classmate and a few others. He was a funny guy who would crack the corniest jokes but they were funny and he had of us all laughing. We were marching to raise money for kids to have their lunches paid for the next school year. We raised over $70k from the walkathon and other events. The weekend flew by and Sunday night after cleaning up my apartment and talking with my folks, I put on a movie. I was about to pop some popcorn when my doorbell rang. I didn’t bother checking to see who it was because I thought it was my next door neighbor coming to get his blender I borrowed when mine had broken. I opened up the door and it was my ex. I hadn’t seen him in over a week and when I really looked at him, I thought, “I cried over this?”
I didn’t let him in and he had the nerve to ask me what was wrong. I had to laugh. I told him there was nothing wrong and that he needed to leave. He tried to push his way in claiming that I had been avoiding him and wouldn’t return any of his calls. He said he left several voice messages and got worried when I didn’t call him back. He was a good liar and his acting skills were damn good, but too bad I had enough of his lying. I told him to leave there was no reason for neither of us to explain anything. I looked him is his eyes and told him to never come around here again or I would call the cops. He stepped to me and that’s when I heard my classmates voice. “I would leave right now if I were you.” My classmate said standing taller than my ex and certainly bigger. Why didn’t I notice that before?
My ex backed off and said “she’s not worth it anyway and you can have her. I got what I wanted every single time.” My classmate said “You may think you did but you didn’t. You didn’t treat her like a Queen so she didn’t treat you as her King and you didn’t love her like you should have, but not to worry, I will let her know every day and every night how worthy she is; how beautiful she is and that I am here to keep that smile on her face.”
My classmate slammed the door in my ex’s face and turned to look me in the eyes and said “If you will have me, I promise with all my heart I will make you happy, love you like you deserved to be loved; kiss you when you want it and need it, touch you ever so soft and pray with you every night. Will you be my woman? You don’t have to answer right now but let me take you out, talk to you so you can get to know me, sing to you—-well I can’t sing but I can lip sing and make it sound good. Can you give this classmate of yours a chance?” I looked at my classmate and knew there was only one answer. “Hell yeah!” I’m just kidding. I wanted this but I also wanted to take my time and grow to experience all that he offered to give.
“Let me see him. Let me see him. He is so precious. I have the most beautiful grandson in all the world.” My parents were over the moon when I told them I was going to have a baby. They were so supportive with me when we told them we were going to establish our career as lawyers before we have kids. Five years later we found out I was pregnant and my husband of four of those years, fainted. I took a picture of him all scrawled out on the floor and posted it on social media for all of our friends to see. He even fainted in the delivery room. My dad asked me if I was I sure I married the right guy because he had never seen a man faint as much as mine did.
My classmate waited patiently for me and when I gave in a month and a half later, he did and said everything he would do and more. Even when he was mad at me, he continued to be a gentleman, kissed me and told me he loved me and I melted every time. I have never been happier. I looked back on those days when I was with my ex and think that sometimes what God brings to you is not all the time for you. He will show you what you don’t need by given you what you think you may want when you ask it of Him. I wanted my ex. And when I started to need him, God showed me that I didn’t and that my ex was the wrong man. And there lies the difference.
Thanks for reading her blog. She is happy and she wanted me to let you know this:
Know the difference in wanting a man and needing a man
Know the difference in being a fool and somebody else’s
Know that rushing into any relationship because you are lonely can have dire consequences so please be patient and get a feel for the man to see where his head is at. Just because it looks good doesn’t mean it is good.
And lastly, when you pray be very specific. Peace and Blessings!